Life is Hard

Life is hard enough at times, but it becomes almost unbearable after losing a parent. Scott lost his Father in December 2020; I lost my Mother the following June. We took a trip to Norwood, Ma, this past October, where Scott’s parents are now laid to rest, and then drove to Princeton, WV, to visit my Mother’s resting place. After leaving there, I fell into an even deeper depression. How do you move on after losing someone you love?

This was our first trip to her gravesite since she passed away in June 2021. Losing my Mother and living life without her has been so difficult. She meant the world to me. When visiting her in North Carolina, it was always hard to say goodbye. I loved spending time with her and hated having to leave, knowing that it would be several months before I would be back to see her again.

Visiting her gravesite was also very hard. I can’t see her, touch her, or hear her voice. But I felt close to her just being there. And I did not want to leave there either. I didn’t want to lose that feeling of being connected. Being there, though, was still very sad. Scott, David, and Diana lifted my spirits by sharing stories and memories. I don’t know how you move on from losing someone you love so much or if you even do. She is always in my thoughts. I miss her so much.

Tomorrow (February 10th) is her birthday. She would have been 90 years old. When I think about her life, it amazes me how she endured so much and rarely even complained. And no matter what, she was always there for her family. She was just an awesome Mother and human being. Having only missed a couple of her birthdays in the last 10 years, I would go to NC to spend her birthdays with her. I knew her health was failing and the cancer was taking its toll, but I didn’t even think that my last visit, which was Mother’s day 2021, would be the last time I would see her. It’s heartbreaking to even think about. I would give anything to have one more day…

Before traveling to WV, we met up with Scott’s family in Norwood, Ma, to lay his Father’s remaining ashes to rest beside his mother. The simple ceremony was beautiful, with family and close friends in attendance. A bagpiper playing “Amazing Grace” began the tradition and afterward ended it as he walked away while the music faded into a very peaceful silence. Everyone shared heartfelt, emotional, and sometimes even funny anecdotes. These stories and memories were a great way to honor their dad. He is greatly missed.

These two events were the main reason for this trip, but we both got a chance to spend time with family, and Scott specifically enjoyed hanging out with friends from his childhood, some of whom he had not seen in a few years. And landing in Boston, Ma, with a destination eventually of Princeton, WV, during peak foliage time was a bonus.

The drive from Norwood to Princeton was gorgeous the whole way. Instead of taking the route down the coast, Scott opted for a more inland venture, which paid off. The foliage was at its peak for most of the drive and was just stunning. My iPhone camera, as usual, could not capture how beautiful and very colorful the mountains and landscapes were.

At one point, we decided to stop at Gettysburg for a quick visit that ended up taking an entire day. With so much history, we needed more time to take it all in. I thought about Mom and how much she would enjoy the museum and all the historical facts. She would go into places like this and read every single thing. She loved history! Years ago, we went to The Alamo museum in San Antonio, where she spent hours absorbing everything.

Once back in Alaska, finding joy in anything was hard. The holidays were even more difficult this year. I just did my best to survive them. The grandkids would come over occasionally during this time, and that helped. Both Scott and Sonja have always been very supportive and continue to be.

Running, which has been a huge part of my life, or even writing my blog, which has always been just a fun little hobby for me, became a thing of the past it seemed. Both my sister and sister-in-law have reminded me that this is not the way my Mother would want me to live my life. She would want me to continue with my goals and as mentioned in previous posts, she was my biggest supporter when it came to running. Lacking motivation and without much enthusiasm or excitement, I reluctantly signed up with a running program to get back on track. And on most of my runs these days, I just think of Mom. I just miss her so much.

I love you, MOM!